I expected my time as a teenager to be a lot like what you see on television or read in books. I anticipated all of the late night adventures and secrets and parties and recklessness. Those influences created scenarios in my head that really tainted my ideas of how my adolescence should be like and twisted the decisions I made. Looking back at the two years I've spent as a high schooler thus far, I admit that I had made some decisions that weren't the best, especially when it comes to those from this past year. But through it all, I learned to believe that the people you surround yourself with really does impact the person you become.
Uneventful would be the sole word I would use to describe my freshman year. I was uncommonly innocent throughout the year, and too naive for my own good. I had one best friend who I did absolutely everything with. Her parent's were immensely strict on her, and on me as well since I was like another daughter to them. Trouble was a foreign word to us. I had devoted all of my time to my best friend, cheerleading, schoolwork, and a dull relationship that I didn't have time to experience anything else.
Then sophomore year started, and it seemed like everything was changing. I lost the one best friend I had due to her intense passion for cheer and natural talent which allowed her to get to a higher level. It took over most of her life, and since I wasn't nearly as good, it was like I just got left in the dust. Feeling abandoned and throughly confused, I set out on an attempt to find different friends to replace the void that she had left. When fall break begun, it finally seemed as if the trial and error period of finding people to occupy my time was about to result in a success. Suddenly, I was in the company of new people who had outlooks and pasts completely different from mine. I was immediately intrigued. They gave me a glimpse into their world, one which moved too fast and burned too bright. Back then, it didn't occur to me that the things I was participating in with them were damaging me, physically and emotionally. All that mattered was the temporary euphoric feelings I got whenever I was with them. One of them especially had such a heavy influence on me then, due to the fact that he excelled at knowing the exact things to say and do to get me to become infatuated with him. He extended an invitation to me to hang out with him and his friends one night. It was about 10 when he asked, and I knew there was no way my parents would let me out that late. He made a comment that I should sneak out, and at that time it was probably a joking statement, but I knew he would be happy if I did. These people made me feel like I had to do whatever it takes to please them, so I pushed my screen window to the floor and hopped out. I met the whole group that night, and from there I was hooked. I was finally getting a taste of the high school life I had only seen if it was scripted. Night after night. I remember coming home in the blurry morning hours of five or six a.m. most days during fall and winter break, and even some random weekends, too. Car rides with the music turned up loud, surrounded by people I barely knew, it was all for a thrill. I wasn't a big fan of illegal substances, but I did agree to do absurd and stupid things with them, climbing over fences illegally to get a better view of the city lights and searching for warmth from a bonfire on the beach, even though we had already supposedly gotten kicked out from that area since it was closed. My clouded judgement from being with them had lead me to believe that I was able to feel alive when I was in their presence. My outlook to everything was changing. I thought that I was better than anyone who wasn't part of that group. I foolishly began to believe that I was invincible. All of my dreams and future plans suddenly didn't mean enough to me to outweigh having fun. I stopped putting my all into cheerleading, skipping practices and showing up tired from coming home at ridiculous times the night before. I was a mess of emotion back then, where one word could turn me from blissful to dangerously furious in seconds. It was so bad, I ended up getting myself in trouble with the law. My parents found out, and they lost all trust in me. That's when I finally realized that the people I met were causing me more harm than help. I looked back at my life, which was then in shatters, and I was utterly ashamed that there was any way I had let it get that bad. It had started off with me just being lonely, wanting company from others but too naive to know that they were the wrong kind of people to get involved with. I started to try to please them too much, and that led me to feeling like a delinquent at that point, a terrible, useless person.
So I did something for the betterment of myself; I let go of all the people who were in my life during that period of time that I considered to be my friends. They didn't care about me quite as much as they cared about being able to have a good time, and it took me a while to realize that. I slowly started to piece my life back together again. I grew closer to a group of people that I was always sort of friends with being that we had a majority of our classes together. Most of them came from families similar to mine, where excellent performance in school related things were highly stressed and encouraged. They provided me the good influence I need to get my grades back up, and my name found it's way back to the honor roll list. They truly acted as life support for me then. The boy I talked about earlier who first got me fixated on the dangerous lifestyle I used to be a part of broke my heart to be honest. The old group of friends I had would urge me to do anything possible to forget the pain. I would've folded over in self destruction sooner or later with them. But not the new, healthier group that I had found, who pieced me back together with encouraging talks and wise advice. They taught me something quite essential when I became friends with them, how to have fun without damaging yourself in any way. Instead of late night drives, they took me around the island during the day to the beach to get time in the ocean, a therapy that didn't trigger addictions. Instead of pressuring me to sneak out more and defy my parents, girls from the new group actually ended up getting really close to my family and asking if I could sleepover, go out to watch movies, eat dinner with them, and other stuff normal kids my age are supposed to do with their friends. It was so much more beneficial for me, and I wasn't doing bad things anymore. They showed me how to have a good time without breaking rules.
I used to always hear that "friends are the family you choose yourself". I never really put much thought into how true that is, and how valuable the choice of your friends was until I found the right group of people that pushed me to reach my full potential and excel in the things that I do. Even in my darkest days, they don't give me anything but positive vibes and encouraging words, which is so different from other friendships I had, who would only be able to numb the pain for a while with a short sense of happiness before I came crashing back down. I believe that sometimes it is necessary to remove people from your life who aren't bettering you as a person. The people you surround yourself with should be direct reflections of who you are or who you want to be, this I believe.
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