Coming of Age Essay Rough Draft

The person that graduated from the middle school in the summer of 2011 and the person sitting here writing this essay today might as well be two completely different people. The first was a shy, introverted girl. She didn’t yet know what she wanted her future to consist of, and to say she didn’t open up to people was an understatement. Her changes into a girl who was still small in height but huge in spirit could be a result of many different life experiences and challenges she faced in that 1 ½ years. However, the main one had to be that 2011 summer before freshman year. That’s the summer I joined the Moanalua High School cheerleading program. Despite the negative connotations associated with the sport itself and the people who play it, cheerleading was the thing that truly sparked my coming of age.

            Bland would be the one word I would use to describe my life before cheerleading had made its impact. I tried a lot of things, from ballet to soccer, but none had yet captured my absolute interest. Believe it or not, my teachers would actually tell me that I needed to speak up more in class. I’m a huge dreamer now, but I don’t think I was even half that back in middle school and before. The future seemed like a vast unknown to me, something in which I had no plans for.

            I exited middle school still waiting for the shift.  Back then, I didn’t known what that shift was exactly or what would bring it about. I just knew that there was some kind of bigger plans in store for me, and I had to really go out and search for them.

            It was a spontaneous decision to join cheerleading, to be honest. I wasn’t looking for a shift. I think I was just set out to find a new hobby to distract me from my dull every day life. That first day of tryouts will be forever etched in my memory, reminding me of the changing point between my personality then and now.  The nerves had really taken over me, and I was practically shaking. But then they called my name and told me I had made the team. The state of shock I was in was indescribable. It wasn’t the same as accomplishing anything before. This was different. This had meant something to me.

            My first season of cheerleading had changed me a lot. For starters, I used to be practically one of the laziest people you would ever know. The amount of time I spent parked in front of computer screen or TV was higher than I would’ve liked. Cheerleading changed that. Cheerleading taught me to dream.  From day one as I watched varsity hit every motion precisely, throw girls up into the air and catch them solidly as they twirled down, and perform inverted jumps like it was simple, I learned goal setting. My ambition had sparked that summer, and that’s something that I carried with me every day after that. Not just in cheer, but in the real world as well. Now, I know exactly where I want to go in life and what steps I need to take in order to get there. The dreams in my head about my career as such are as big as my dreams when I step on the cheer mat.

            One of the lines in the competition cheer last year was simply “Do work, commit, we strive for the best. Through pain and stress we will conquer the rest.” This is something I really live by. Becoming a cheerleader is much more than just wearing the uniform and putting on a peppy smile at football games. It’s much more than the big bows and curly hair. It’s much more than it’s negative stereotypes. Becoming a cheerleading taught me commitment, determination, pride, and perseverance, all things that again is carried on with me through my normal everyday life. This especially comes into play with school. I don’t allow myself to give up without a fight anymore. If I want something, I’ll put in all the work necessary to get it. It’s something I really pride myself with having, because of the things I’ve accomplished.

            I’m stronger now, because of cheer. People stereotyped me from the very beginning. They tell me all cheerleaders are the same. They tell me I’m supposed to be dumb, supposed to be a flirt, supposed to be an airhead. But I’ve learned to not let criticism and other peoples’ negative words bring me down. People can disrespect me, but they won’t break me down. Before, I used to get my feelings hurt at the slightest of things, and that all changed after I started cheer.

            So, I’m sitting here, writing this essay, and reflecting about how something as simple as joining a sport could change my life completely. I’m blessed for the opportunity that was given to me when I made the team. That was the shift in my life that I had needed. It made me the person I am today, a girl who doesn’t give up, and chases her dreams. Forever changed, forever greatful. 

Blog Revisions

To show the changes that happened within the last year, I drastically changed my blog. My header and title is different, now being named "Reflected imagination" which is really what my writing is, my imaginations reflected into letters and words. In my header, I used a lot of galaxy and city light pictures, to match my description. "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough." is the quote in my description and I think it matches perfectly because my biggest dream is to live in a big city one day with a career I love, and because everyone always told me to "reach for the stars." I also changed my background to a picture of a collection of books, and that's something I dream to have in my future house one day to fuel my love for reading. All in all, I think this new blog perfectly represents who I am now in my life rather than who I was a year ago when we first started MeneMac. 

Who's at Fault?

Hawaii is a beautiful place, with a large variety of natural attractions that appeal visitors to them. But, because those locations leave a lot up to the natural world and chance, there's a risk that they will leave sightseers heavily injured, or sometimes even dead. When disaster strikes, who is there to blame? The state of Hawaii or the tourist themselves?  It depends a lot on how the case happened, but in the most part, the tourists are to blame because they were preforming reckless activities around the area or didn't abide by the caution signs.

In once case, a 44 year old man named David Potts from San Anselmo, California, was in fact being careless around the Nakalele Point blowhole, and caused himself to get struck by a wave and go missing. Witnesses reported that Potts was "dancing" around the blowhole, an event that he shouldn't have done due to his safety, yet he still pursued. There is a sign in the parking lot that says "Blowhole: Park and walk at your own risk", but even yet people still argue that the signage isn't enough. Yet, the state noted that neither the Maui Visitor Bureau nor Maui County had directly labeled the blowhole as an attraction. The blowhole could also be privately owned land, hence the lack of signs.

The case of 18 year old Daniel Dick is another one that shows reckless behavior. He was apparently straddling the blowhole according to witnesses. Due to this, he was lifted three to five feet in the air by the water rising up, and then dropped on his head onto a rocky area. This probably wouldn't have happened to him if he had been cautious and kept his respectful distance away from the blowhole, and not tried to get as close to it as he could.

So, who's at fault isn't really a question that you can't determine right away. You would need to take in part the signage put up by the state that makes it known visitors are at their own risk, and what you hear from reliable witnesses if the person who was injured or killed was doing things to provoke it. It all depends on the case.

My Portfolio Conference 2: GLO's

Student/ Parent Portfolio Conference

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

You're invited to come and take a look at my GLO portfolio which showcases the work that I've done over the school year on this day.

http://www.wix.com/dancergrrl16/xoxoerynn

Poem Analysis Essay

Depression (noun) Severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.

Have you ever hit the point where you truly felt unwanted and worthless to everybody around you? That’s what people who suffer from depression hit almost every single day of their lives. Some just honestly hate themselves, contemplating/ attempting suicide, inflicting harm on their own bodies, and constantly telling their selves that they’re worth nothing.

About 20% of teens will experience and suffer from depression before they even reach adulthood. And what’s the scariest part about all of this? Their friends, family members, and classmates might never expect that.

My poems, songs, and prose pieces all have to do with pretending that oneself is okay when in all actually, they’re not. The first poem I have, titled the “Mask” is a perfect example of trying to convince the world that you’re fine and dandy, but when you get home and are alone, you tend to break down. The narrator in this poem explains how they are “Spectacular” and “Cheerful all the day.” But these feelings are only a mask as the title implies. And when the narrator strips himself or herself of this mask and lets their true feelings come through, it’s not something you would expect from someone who claims they’re so happy. Now comes a feeling such as “I ache and burn from my very core.” The world would never know how depressed this narrator is or who they really are without looking behind the mask of trying to be happy and give off happy feelings. 

The second poem I chose was “A Scared Little Girl”. The poem was quite graphic in word choice and describing the situation. The narrator in this poem was also keeping secrets inside of her, and she used the metaphor of those secrets being a “Scared little girl inside of her.” To show those secrets being kept. Her secret was in fact her depression and her aching to be happy.

“Welcome to my Life.” Is a song by Simple Plan that I also chose to relate to the theme. The singer uses the words “To be on the edge of breaking down, and no one understands you.” To show the feelings of loneliness, rejection, and much more. The singer wants to convey the point of view of a teenager that’s just not happy with their life anymore and falling into a state of depression.

My first prose piece is titled “The Dark Secret I Could Never Tell Anyone.” It’s about a girl name Katy who always thought she had it all, good grades, friends who cared, and a love for dancing. But she still always felt like she wasn’t good enough. So she resorted to self-harm. “For years, I lived a double life.” She says. On the outside, she was still this bubbly cheerful person. But inside, she was just a girl who truly needed help. Katy said, “Hiding my real emotions made the urges even stronger.” She didn’t truly want to go into recovery until her parents found her in the bathtub with a boiling pot of water on her legs. She finally realized in that moment how out of control she had became, which was a turning point for her. That’s when she decided to sign into a treatment facility and get back on her feet, the healthy way.

The next prose piece I have is “Depth of Depression, My story” Written by Craig T. He claims that he has often been considered an upbeat, positive individual. But as his life goes on and he smiles more and more in public, his depression is getting so much worse. That’s another example of people suffering from depression almost having two different personalities. The way the act around other people and the way they can act when they’re just left alone with there self and their mind.

It’s not a joke. These are real life stories from real people. All these articles, and stories, and poems, are all to connect to the problem of self-deprecation and the fact that it can go unknown by everyone around the person suffering. Everyone is not what he or she seems.

Poetry Links. Open before reading connections.

The Mask 

http://www.bestteenpoems.com/poem/the-mask-2

A scared Little Girl

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-scared-little-girl-2/

Welcome to my Life 

http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/simple-plan-lyrics/welcome-to-my-life-lyrics.html

Poem Connections

The Mask

The first impression I got from this poem was that the narrator uses a “mask” of joyous feelings and pretending that he or she is okay to hide the fact that in all actually, they’re not okay. The words choice the author uses to describe both parts of his/her personality give you a vivid image in your head. For example, saying “Spectacular”, “Live every day”, “Cheerful all the day”, and “A world full of rainbows, not one shade of grey.” Gives you a strong emotion of happiness. But then when it comes to the feelings of sadness the narrator suffers, the word choice is also good at provoking emotion. “I cry, I scream, I bawl.”, “I ache and burn from my very core.” “End it with a knife.” Evokes a feeling of suffering that the narrator is going through that even the reader can feel. This whole poem is a metaphor within itself. It uses the “Mask” to imply the action of trying to cover up your own sufferings. The structure of this poem doesn’t really affect the meaning of it. The last words of each sentence rhymes in an AABB structure in a 4-line stanza. Overall though, this poem is here to tell readers that even the happiest people could still be the ones that are suffering inside, and are just too ashamed to show it. Depression isn’t always a big show. Most times, it’s hidden either purposely or just because the person dealing with it wants to convince themselves that they are fine by being able to act cheerful in public. But that could all be just a show. It could all be just a mask.

A Scared Little Girl

Reading this poem, my first impression was shock and fear for the narrator. She’s been through a lot. She’s keeping all these secrets inside of her. Starting off with the evocative language in this poem, there were a lot of words that evoked strong emotions for me and I’m sure anyone else who reads this poem. The words “Beaten and raped” immediately gave me a strong sense of fear. So did “Her nose was broken, her body bruised.” “Praying that I’ll die”. “Private war.” This poem was also another one of those poems where the whole thing was in fact a metaphor.  The “little girl” That the narrator was talking about was really herself and all the secret she has to keep/ has been keeping. You get that impression after you read the words “Trapped inside of me.” And “Keeping secrets held in is really affecting my health.” Also in figurative language, the line “I’m scared I won’t be able to stop until I‘ve cried a river of tears.”  Is also a metaphor to show that the narrator is just highly depressed and needs an outlet to let her feelings out, in which she physically just cries a lot as shown here. The structure of this poem is an AABBCC rhyming scheme with no stanzas. It’s all just one long poem. I think this actually is better like this because it just makes it seem so much more real. Like it could be a page from a diary as opposed to someone trying so hard to write a poem. Lastly, the final impression I get from this poem is similar to the first one in a way of trying to hide the depression that has taken over a lot of people today. Sharing feelings is hard, but keeping secrets is also quite dangerous for you.

Welcome to my Life

Simple plan

This is a song with very powerful lyrics. My first impression of it actually was relating it with my life. It’s about a teen that is going through a rough time in life, and feels like no one understands him/her, thus they need to share their experience through song lyrics. This is also a song that shows great use of evocative language in the lyrics, but it’s more of stuff for teenagers to relate to than more mature people listening to it. The “Big fake smiles and stupid lies.” Part of the song was spot on as to bringing up feelings of being hurt by other people for me and realizing how fake people can be. Another line that is good for emotion is “To be on the edge of breaking down, and no one understands you.” It provokes feelings of loneliness, rejection, and feeling like not a single person is there for you. There really wasn’t any figurative language in this song. The structure of it adds to the depth of the song though, in my opinion. How it starts off strong, telling you exactly what feelings the singers are trying to convey (“Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?”). and explains more and more along that feelings before going to the bridge (“No ones ever lied straight to your face. No ones ever stabbed you in the back. You may think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay.”). And at the end, there’s repetition of the line “Welcome to my Life.” Which is not only the title of the song, but also what’s the main point of the song is, to show people a little glimpse into the life of a wounded and unwanted teenager. This piece shows that there are people going through harsh things like that, and they really want to have a voice and be understood and listened to. Because it’s hard to have to battle depression, or even just be sad alone.